I spent the morning in a CPR/AED certification class. It was actually pretty neat. The last time I took CPR it was 1986ish and I was in a jr. lifesaving class. I just remember that it seemed really complicated and that the Resuscitation Annie doll seemed kind of gross. We were sitting in a wet locker room at the pool, giggling over the whole thing and I’m pretty sure I didn’t learn much.
CPR is now much easier. You do a straightforward 30 chest compressions, followed by 2 rescue breaths over and over until your patient recovers or a more qualified individual shows up. We were told to place our hands for compression on the chest right between the nipples. The best question was when someone wanted to know what to do if you were trying to resuscitate an older woman whose large breasts have succumbed to gravity. There was a pause as we all tried to imagine giving compressions somewhere between the navel and the knees. Finally the instructor advised us to do compressions between where the nipples
CPR is now much easier. You do a straightforward 30 chest compressions, followed by 2 rescue breaths over and over until your patient recovers or a more qualified individual shows up. We were told to place our hands for compression on the chest right between the nipples. The best question was when someone wanted to know what to do if you were trying to resuscitate an older woman whose large breasts have succumbed to gravity. There was a pause as we all tried to imagine giving compressions somewhere between the navel and the knees. Finally the instructor advised us to do compressions between where the nipples
should
be. Good to know.
are really neat. Learning how to use one kind of made me hope that sometime soon I’ll be walking through the mall and someone will collapse near me. Bystanders will panic, but I’ll keep my cool and yell for someone to call 911 and call for an AED which will magically appear beside me. Then, because I’ll be the only one in the crowd to know how to use it, I’ll get to try out what is basically a dummy-proof lifesaving device and be a hero. Hopefully the victim will be a rich, childless person who feels really, really grateful. I do not want this to happen at school though. Adult strangers are better for this imaginary scenario than familiar children.
Here are a few tips for you if you’re going to collapse in front of me:
1) Try not to be choking, I didn’t really get to practice that technique.
2) If you are a hairy chested man, it might be best if you just start regularly shaving your upper right, and lower left chest areas. That way I won’t have to do it for you with the dry, disposable razor provided in the kit
.
pastedGraphicHere are a few tips for you if you’re going to collapse in front of me:
1) Try not to be choking, I didn’t really get to practice that technique.
2) If you are a hairy chested man, it might be best if you just start regularly shaving your upper right, and lower left chest areas. That way I won’t have to do it for you with the dry, disposable razor provided in the kit
.
3) Please try to have your nipples where they are supposed to be. The guesswork makes me nervous.
4) You are lucky, because I now have a disposable barrier on my keychain (jealous? you can get your own
) so that we don’t need to exchange germs during rescue breathing. However, I can still smell you so try to avoid garlic or coffee that day.
5) Do NOT, under any circumstance, vomit while I’m giving you CPR because at that point, you’re on your own. Okay, I would probably still do chest compressions, but the rescue breathing is over.
5) Do NOT, under any circumstance, vomit while I’m giving you CPR because at that point, you’re on your own. Okay, I would probably still do chest compressions, but the rescue breathing is over.
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