Scatology

You are all so glad that I don’t have a picture for this one.

The Pooping Bandit

has not made a re-appearance yet this year. We’re hoping that means he was a kid who has moved on to another school and that he’s not just waiting for a good moment to start stuffing the toilet paper dispensers with excrement again.

There

was

notable poo this week though. A staff member was in the cafeteria and noticed a suspicious object on the floor. A custodian called over for a consult confirmed that it was indeed a round little turd. I guess someone was walking around with a collection in their underwear and it fell out onto the floor. No clue as to who that would have been, so they just cleaned it up and moved on.

Elementary school is so interesting.

All You Have To Do Is Ask

It’s upsetting how often people don’t ask my opinion. Because I have one. Always. And it’s the right opinion too. Just in case you were wondering how I felt about naming children and were afraid to ask, I’m going to tell you. I have gone through over 600 registration forms this week of children ages 4-11 and I formed a lot of opinions. Here they are.

When naming a sweet, tiny, innocent little baby:

Don’t Be Weird.

Mostly celebrities are guilty of this one. Gwen Stefani named her boys Zuma and Kingston. That’s weird. There is a fine line between unusual and weird. Don’t cross it. If you like weird names, change your own to one. And just because YOU like Star Wars does not mean your little boy will appreciate being named Anakin. He’s the one who is going to have to put up with all of the Skywalker jokes - not you.

Don’t Be Mean.

Amarijuana should never, ever be a sweet little girl’s name. Neither should Remember Washington. Yet they are. It’s mean. Don’t do it. Get a dog instead.

Spell It Right.

Being that I was born in 1970, I am very grateful that my name isn’t Sunshine Moon Petal or something of that ilk. Very, very grateful. However, as an adult who has gone through life with her name spelled “wrong”, I beg you to not do that to your kid. I never could find a bike license plate, or pencil or mug with my name on it. I am constantly correcting Dr.’s receptionists and anyone else who writes my name down without asking. (Note: I love you Mom and Dad! and I understand that there is a purpose behind the spelling of my name and appreciate it! Really! Just trying to be a little humorous here. Mostly.) If you want your kids’ names to be “different”, then see rule #4. Don’t take a common name and spell it weird. Mackynae is still McKenna. You’re not fooling anyone.

Don’t Be Common.

This is the least important rule, but still worth considering. Every year they publish the 10 most popular baby names. Look at the list and then don’t choose any of those unless you like the way your last initial sounds with the name - like Jacob K. or Madison W. This rule is especially important when picking genderless names because then your little sweetie will be known as either Girl Jordan or Boy Jordan. I realize that I just offended most parents and I am sorry. Please know that this is the least important of my naming rules. All of the Jennifers and Jasons that I grew up with have turned into lovely people, I’m sure. So if you have an Emma or a Michael that’s fine. They are lovely names - thus their popularity - and are much better choices than the other examples.

So there you go - my opinion. Yours may differ. That’s ok, but just know that you are probably wrong. :)

Boot Camp

Kindergarten is rough. It was a tough week for everyone involved. The parents dropping them off cried the first day which made me cry too. It was sad! All those teeny, tiny people marching away from their mamas. You’d have to be made of stone not to have a little sympathy.

Then the teachers had the monumental task of turning scatter-brained free spirits into a class. The list of basics took a full three days.
They had to teach them how to stand in, and follow, a line. That’s apparently a huge and difficult concept. They don’t understand WHY they have to follow the line. Why can’t they just run ahead? What’s the point to all of this?
The kids had to learn to go to the bathroom when they don’t necessarily HAVE to before lunch and Specials classes. This has to happen or they interrupt those periods by running out to pee. And peeing is contagious. If one goes, they all have to go and that destroys lunch time or the Specialist teachers’ lesson plans. So kindergarteners have to learn to line up to pee when they don’t have to go. Big stuff.
Lunch is very, very hard. All day kindergarten necessitates that we feed them, which is a bummer. Try taking a group of hungry cats down a hall and into a lunch room and arrange them in an organized fashion around a table. We don’t even give them a recess time at lunch because it takes a full 30 minutes to get them to the cafeteria, through the hot lunch line and to a table where they eat

veeerrry

slooooowly

. They have to take their recesses in the morning and afternoon. I am so grateful that it is not my job to help open milks. Sadistic grown-ups designed those milk cartons. They are not designed for pudgy little fingers to open.
It turns out that you can’t nap when you want to in kindergarten. This blows the minds of some of them. The teachers do their best to keep them awake and active, but sometimes one will just keel over and you can’t wake them up for anything so you just have to let them lie where they fall until they wake up on their own. That’s actually pretty cute.
You have to stay ALL DAY! Even if you don’t want to. Even if you miss your mom. Even if you decide that this really isn’t your thing and you think that maybe you’ll just give up on the whole idea of “school.” Yesterday morning an adorable little girl was being walked to class by her big sister. As they got closer to her room, she started to struggle and finally broke free from her sister’s hand and ran for it. She went right by me and out the front door so I had to give chase. She was a fast little booger. Lucky for me, she’s short so I caught up about half way down the walk. I knelt down and asked her what was wrong and she cried and said she just didn’t want to go to school anymore. I empathized. Neither do I. I held out my hand and she came along calmly and I handed her off to the principal who walked her to her class.

I look at this year’s first graders who were just like this a year ago. They seem so tall and grown-up now and they all stand in lines and pee when they are told to and only very rarely fall asleep or run away, so there is hope. It can all be taught - and learned.

2008-09

We had a great first day. Everyone got up on time and looked great and made it through the day in good shape.

Faithy Beth is in third grade. For the first time in her life, she does not have a sibling in school with her. It is her time to shine. She also had her first dance classes of the year today and the season’s first soccer game is tomorrow. Faith is a busy, busy girl.

Reagan is an 8th grader this year. This means she is automatically much cooler than she has ever been before. You might guess from these pictures that Reagan only has one eyeball. That is due to the current style of “side bangs” that is making me crazy as she is constantly tilting her head and talking from under her hair. She is not interested in my opinion on the subject.

Hayden started middle school as a 6th grader today. Reagan picked out his outfit for him and coached him on middle school life. It’s nice to have a guide to 6th grade. We’re hoping for a good year and are encouraged by starting with a good day. :)

I’m working full time this year at Faith’s school. I dressed up for the first day in an actual dress which was silly because while I was supervising recess, I felt like an idiot every time the wind came up or I had to bend over to pick up a ball. You don’t get a picture of that. Tomorrow, more practical clothing for sure.

I Blame The Aqua Net

(I don’t know what to say about the shirt. I was trying to reconcile not buttoning the top button with wearing a tie. I should have picked one or the other.)

Two middle schoolers. I am the parent of TWO middle schoolers. As painful as that is, I’d much rather parent them than

be

them. Middle school was rough. I was full of self-doubt and wanted to be noticed and yet was also completely certain that everyone else was thinking of me and judging me at all times. My kids seem to be feeling some of that, but not on nearly the same scale, and I have to wonder why. Where is the awkwardness? Where is the angst? Let’s compare and contrast:

Junior High-1983 Middle School-2008

Drugs and gangs. 1) Drugs and gangs.
Russia was going to nuke us. 2) International terrorism
Totally rad music. 3) Unintelligible pop trash.
Clothes to look back and shudder at. 4) Ditto.
Hair prep - 90 minutes. 5) Hair prep - 90 seconds.

That’s it. I believe that this is the difference between my daughter’s happy self-confidence and my complete self-involvement. It’s the hair. The hair-do above started with a perm about every 4 months and had to be washed daily. Then -mousse, and I would flip over to blow dry it upside down and spend around thirty minutes carefully curling it and burning my neck. All of the effort was held in place with way too much Aqua Net. At this point, if I determined I was having a bad hair day, I would try to summon up enough symptoms to convince my mom that I needed to stay home sick. (Sorry Mom. To your credit though, you didn’t fall for it very often.) Failing that, I went through the school day convinced that people were pointing and laughing at me at every turn. Even on good hair days, throughout the day I ran for the bathroom mirror to see how it was holding up, but if it started looking bad there wasn’t much to do. You can’t comb through that much hair spray. Even ponytails required a lot of work in the 80’s. You had to have either a

banana comb

or a giant, floppy hair bow and you still had to tease and spray your bangs into place.

Reagan’s hair is so simple. She washes and conditions it and then brushes it into place. That’s it. (Although in this picture we did blow dry it to up the shininess.) No gels or sprays. If it gets messed up, she brushes it or throws it up into a messy ponytail which is just as acceptable. Not worrying about the state of her hair frees her up to actually participate in P.E. or sports and walk in the wind or rain without fear. She can sleep later in the morning. She needn’t carry a gigantic comb around in her back pocket.

Don’t let anyone tell you that it is harder to be a kid today. It is clearly much, much simpler. The proof is in the hair.

Vindication

I left Rich unattended for a few minutes while we were at County Fair. I paid for it. He wandered over to register in a sweepstakes to win a free tractor. I don’t know why either. Perhaps to plow our back 40? We got a call from the sweepstakes people a few days later. Unfortunately, Rich was also unattended when he took that call.
Of course we did not win a tractor. What we won was a Free Room Purifier! All we had to do to get it, was agree to let a complete stranger come into our home and try to sell us something. Rich agreed, of course. After all, it was a Free Room Purifier! valued at $120! Whatever. Hayden’s hay fever has been pretty bad lately so an air purifier could be helpful.
So, on Monday night a seemingly nice man came into our living room with a lot of boxes to try and sell us a

Rainbow vacuum system

. First, he unpacked our Free Room Purifier! Only it was not a purifier. It was a humidifier. A very small humidifier with an unreasonably loud motor. I glared at Rich who was sheepish, but also highly amused. Then the man assembled his machine and turned it on to suck the impurities out of our living room air. Only he didn’t get any. I was just as surprised as he was. I figured that if anyone had air impurities, it would be us.
He tried the rug next, and then the couch. Nothing. By now, I was amused too and starting to feel sorry for the guy. Not that we were going to buy a $1900 vacuum anyway, but I felt bad for him that he couldn’t at least prove to us that we live in filth. Finally, he tried the carpet and I held my breath. The kids are the only people who have vacuumed in at least a month and their vacuuming skills . . . suck. Hee-hee. But nope, not even the carpet could provide an impressive amount of dirt. At that point, the nice man looked at us with mock disgust and declared that he wasn’t going to be able to sell us anything.
I had to leave then, to pick up Faith from soccer practice. On the way, I laughed out loud all by myself in the car. Partly because it was funny and partly because I was so delighted and surprised. I guess my mediocre-at-best housekeeping skills are good enough. Either that or the air filter on our furnace rocks. I don’t car which it is. The important thing is that unbiased third party proved my house is not actually dirty. Just highly disorganized I guess.

Education

School starts next week. In addition to the flurry of activity and excitement that a new school year brings, at our house there is also a feeling of strong trepidation. Every year as we send Hayden off, we hold our breath and hope that it goes smoothly. We hope that he gets a patient teacher. We hope that he doesn’t mouth off to the wrong person and get punched in the nose. We hope that this is the year that things will click.

When he was a toddler, I used to joke that he had two speeds: High and Off. When he was awake he was going. Up, down, all around, into walls and into or onto anything imaginable. People braced for his hugs because they came at full speed and head first (which was particularly unfortunate when his head was at crotch level). He wore me out. He wore everyone out. Friends would babysit him and when I came to pick him they’d say something along the lines of, “Boy, you’ve got your hands full there.”

We certainly considered the possibility that he had ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), but he had an amazing attention span so we never looked into it. Finally, in third grade a teacher said something. I found out later that lots of teachers had been saying lots of things for years - just not to me. This teacher though was brave and she told me her concerns and we took him in and got him tested. Sure enough, a big, ginormous case of ADHD. Since that somehow took me totally by surprise, I started researching and was really shocked by what I found. Now, at the beginning of each school year I talk to Hayden’s teachers and give them a rundown of the symptoms he struggles with and how best to cope with them in the hopes that that helps both he and them with classroom management.

On behalf of Hayden, and any kids in your life who might struggle with this disorder, here are the main points. You can get a more thorough overview

here

and

here

. Hayden’s symptoms fall mainly into the “hyperactive” and “impulsive” categories. These lists are from Helpguide.org .

Symptoms of hyperactivity in children:

▪ Constantly fidgets and squirms
▪ Often leaves his or her seat in situations where sitting quietly is expected 
▪ Moves around constantly, often running or climbing inappropriately
▪ Has difficulty playing quietly
▪ Talks excessively
▪ Is always “on the go,” as if driven by a motor

Symptoms of impulsivity in children:

▪ Blurts out answers without waiting to be called on hear the whole question
▪ Has difficulty waiting for his or her turn
▪ Often interrupts others
▪ Intrudes on other people’s conversations or games
▪ Inability to keep powerful emotions in check, resulting in angry outbursts or temper tantrums

ADD / ADHD impairs the area of the brain responsible for

executive function

. Executive functioning includes the abilities to plan, prioritize, organize, move toward a goal, delay gratification, and monitor your own behavior. Instructions like “Be patient” and “Just wait a little while longer” are extremely difficult for children with ADD / ADHD to follow. The problems with executive function also make it difficult for many kids with ADD / ADHD to recognize personal boundaries and read social cues such as body language and facial expressions. This can lead to rebuffs and even ostracism by other children.

Hayden is the poster child for these lists and descriptions. As you can imagine, it leaves everyone who deals with him pretty frustrated. He doesn’t want to act this way, but honestly it doesn’t occur to him that there is anything wrong until people are red-faced and screaming at him.
For the classroom, we encourage teachers to do the following.
Have Hayden sit in a spot where his movement causes the least amount of distraction for other kids.
Don’t engage in arguments with him. He can hijack a classroom discussion before you’ve even realized it. Set up a signal that will let him know it’s time to shut up.
Avoid group projects at all costs. He does not work well with others. At all.
Please be patient with him. We know this is hard. We fail ourselves, daily. However he is not trying to be “bad”. We are working on this. We have several treatment plans in place but have had several failures as we’ve explored our options. It’s going to take time and maturity. Bear with us.
Thus far, we’ve been pretty fortunate. Most of the educators Hayden has had have been pretty understanding. A few have really taken on the challenge and worked with him for the best possible outcome. That means the world to us. Additionally, we have a fabulous school district. Hayden’s IQ scores qualify him for a “mentor.” This is a person who works with him one on one in a single subject every day. Like his own private teacher. Hayden’s mentor will come this year for his science/social studies class. This means he’s out of the regular classroom for the period working at his own pace on topics that interest him. I cannot tell you how huge that is.
In the spectrum of “things that can be wrong with your child” this is minor. He’s physically healthy, intelligent and loving. We’ll get him (and us) through this. However, given that this is a genetic problem, I am not promising that I will babysit his children. Once is enough. :)
I finally got a couple of County Fair pictures

On the Fridge.

Last Week Of Summer

This is the last Friday of my summer vacation. I have to report to work next week. For those of you new to the blog, I work at Faith’s elementary school as the security monitor. It’s great because I get a teacher’s schedule without having to be a teacher. Boy those people have hard jobs.
I learned several years ago that making a list of “Summer Goals” is an exercise in frustration. I never get them all done and am left feeling rushed and despairing at summer’s end. Now I just aim to relax and hope the kids sleep in and try to complete a house project or two that can’t be done in the winter. I guess this was a good summer because all three of those things got done.
Next week we need to start getting the kids into and out of bed earlier so that the first week is not so brutal. Also, there’s the back-to-school shopping though I try not to buy too many clothes or shoes until it gets cold because they’re sure to grow again if I do and then I have to re-buy it all. It would also be nice to do some baking for the freezer so that I have goodies to put in the kids’ lunches. And I really need to get my flower garden weeded. It looks like a grass garden right now.

Fair Food

First things first, Reagan won a blue ribbon at the fair today. For you non 4-Hers, participants can win white, red, blue and purple ribbons. White is not desirable. Red means you completed the task but could improve. Blue means good job and the top scorers in each class get purple. We are very happy with the blue. It was the first time both horse and rider had done this particular class and they did great. Now, on to the food.

If anyone ever wants to test whether or not humans can live on funnel cake alone, I volunteer to be a subject. For now, common sense tells me that this is not a good idea so we have been bringing in our own food to the fair. We were there for 11 hours today. Food is important. I was in charge of bringing breakfast. Making muffins was a no brainer, as was the coffee pot but I wanted to make something more substantial as well. The crock-pot was definitely in order as I wanted something that would be ready when we left way too early this morning and that would stay warm for a couple of hours when we got there. I found

this recipe for a breakfast casserole

and was very pleased with the results. The flavor was a bit bland for my taste, but the basic formula is good and you could do a lot of variations. Also, I made

Banana Crunch muffins

from the Barefoot Contessa. They are heavenly. You can click on the links above for the recipes or look

In the Fridge

to find them.

County Fair Pre-Show

County Fair here is open to kids who are in 4-H. The weekend before, there is an Open Show that is . . . open - to anyone with a horse who wants to compete. This is also an opportunity for the kids who ride dressage to be judged by an honest-to-goodness dressage judge. Here where the West Was Won, most people ride in the Western style and so usually the kids who ride English make do with Western judges who are doing their best to try to make the different distinctions. Completely confused? Welcome to my world.

Anyhoo, Reagan rode two tests in the Open Show. Dressage horses train for years and years to master all of the different levels. Jamboree has only been in serious training for one year, under a very green trainer I might add, though our coach, Angie, does a terrific job of directing the whole thing. So this was Jamboree’s first official show, under an official judge. Reagan was very, very nervous. She is 13 and therefore convinced that everything she does is scrutinized and judged by the ENTIRE WORLD. She needn’t have worried so much. In her first test she placed third and in her second she placed second. Woo-hoo! It was a very happy ending which is great because we sat there for 10 hours in 99 degree heat and it would have been a huge bummer had it ended badly.

Today we went out in 103 degree heat to clean and decorate stalls at the Event Center for the main event County Fair. If you are in the area, we’d love to have you come by on Wednesday (by which time the temperature should have dropped) to see Reagan and Jamboree. The fair is open Wednesday - Saturday and has free admission. You can pet goats and rabbits and llamas to your hearts content. There are lots of cows and pigs too. Also funnel cakes. It’s just a coincidence that the funnel cake vendor is set up right outside our stall, I swear. A very happy coincidence though! After Wednesday, the English events are done so we’ll be taking Jamboree back to her stable, and I will be taking a nap.

Fell Off The Wagon

After 10 hours in a dusty, horsey, hayey (that’s a word right?) arena in 99 degree heat I went home and took a shower. A very long shower. When I got out I felt very clean - except for my ears. After trying to talk myself out of it for about 45 minutes, I ran and got a Q-tip. Very satisfying and I have no regrets. I think that County Fair week should be Q-tip week as well. I’ll take up my resolve again when it is over.

I don’t know why, but the “Add a Comment” feature only doesn’t work on the original Q-tip entry so I’m moving the comments about it to here.

Q-Tip Detox

I’m just going to tell you up front here that this is probably more than you want to know about me. However, I have a problem and the first step to recovery is admitting it. I am addicted to Q-tips.

When I was little, one of my favorite things was to lie across my mom’s lap after a bath and have her clean my ears. It felt so

good

to have her run the Q-tip around my ear and get it squeaky clean. Eventually I got too old to have my mommy clean out my ears and I struck out on my own. Being able to get that clean-ear-satisfaction whenever I want to has proven to be a problem. I’ve become an abuser.

We’ve all read the articles about how Q-tips are dangerous and how you should never stick anything smaller than your elbow into your ear. I have scorned such advice. How can something that feels so good be wrong? And do I not have the cleanest ears around? I would never gross out people sitting next to me by having them glance over and see clumps of ear wax sticking out of my ear canal. I hate when that happens to me. I have come up with many reasons to justify the abuse. Finally though, the evidence overwhelmed me and I tried to cut back.

I went cold turkey. That worked for about three days and then the full sensation in my ears drove me nuts and I caved. Then I tried to just use Q-tips every other day which worked for a while until I started pretending to myself that I couldn’t remember whether or not I had used one yesterday and so I should really use one today to be sure. Finally - intervention in the form of medical authority. My friend Pam’s husband is an ENT surgeon. When we went to San Diego with them earlier this summer I knew I couldn’t walk around with my Q-tips so I left them at home and spent the whole week rubbing at my ears. Finally I asked Dana for the cold, hard facts in the hope that he could scare me out of my addiction.

He listed all the reasons why Q-tips are the tool of the devil: they push wax and debris further into your ear which can cause infection; Dana himself has removed numerous Q-tip tips from people’s ears; “chronic abusers” actually destroy the lining of the ear canal thus reducing the body’s ability to clean the ear itself and causing hearing damage. He was very convincing. But not convincing enough apparently. When we got home from San Diego I ran for the Q-tips and cleaned both ears thoroughly. Ahhhhhhh.

But I did hear what Dana said and I do want to get better. My current plan is that I am only allowed to use one Q-tip, and only on Sunday. So far I’ve been able to stick to it, but let me tell you that WAY too much of my time is spent thinking about my ears. I count down the days until Q-tip day. I rub at the outside of my ears and swallow hard - a lot. Probably it appears that I have tics. Eventually I am hoping to work up to every two weeks, then every three and I hope for the day that I no longer even think about them.

Next week I am spending Monday-Wednesday in a hot, dusty arena and so I am putting off Q-tip day until Wednesday night because I know that I’d never make it until Sunday. Planning my week around a Q-tip proves that clearly, I have issues. Big ones.

Note: The stupid Comment feature is on the hates this entry. See “Fell Off The Wagon” for comments.