All You Have To Do Is Ask

It’s upsetting how often people don’t ask my opinion. Because I have one. Always. And it’s the right opinion too. Just in case you were wondering how I felt about naming children and were afraid to ask, I’m going to tell you. I have gone through over 600 registration forms this week of children ages 4-11 and I formed a lot of opinions. Here they are.

When naming a sweet, tiny, innocent little baby:

Don’t Be Weird.

Mostly celebrities are guilty of this one. Gwen Stefani named her boys Zuma and Kingston. That’s weird. There is a fine line between unusual and weird. Don’t cross it. If you like weird names, change your own to one. And just because YOU like Star Wars does not mean your little boy will appreciate being named Anakin. He’s the one who is going to have to put up with all of the Skywalker jokes - not you.

Don’t Be Mean.

Amarijuana should never, ever be a sweet little girl’s name. Neither should Remember Washington. Yet they are. It’s mean. Don’t do it. Get a dog instead.

Spell It Right.

Being that I was born in 1970, I am very grateful that my name isn’t Sunshine Moon Petal or something of that ilk. Very, very grateful. However, as an adult who has gone through life with her name spelled “wrong”, I beg you to not do that to your kid. I never could find a bike license plate, or pencil or mug with my name on it. I am constantly correcting Dr.’s receptionists and anyone else who writes my name down without asking. (Note: I love you Mom and Dad! and I understand that there is a purpose behind the spelling of my name and appreciate it! Really! Just trying to be a little humorous here. Mostly.) If you want your kids’ names to be “different”, then see rule #4. Don’t take a common name and spell it weird. Mackynae is still McKenna. You’re not fooling anyone.

Don’t Be Common.

This is the least important rule, but still worth considering. Every year they publish the 10 most popular baby names. Look at the list and then don’t choose any of those unless you like the way your last initial sounds with the name - like Jacob K. or Madison W. This rule is especially important when picking genderless names because then your little sweetie will be known as either Girl Jordan or Boy Jordan. I realize that I just offended most parents and I am sorry. Please know that this is the least important of my naming rules. All of the Jennifers and Jasons that I grew up with have turned into lovely people, I’m sure. So if you have an Emma or a Michael that’s fine. They are lovely names - thus their popularity - and are much better choices than the other examples.

So there you go - my opinion. Yours may differ. That’s ok, but just know that you are probably wrong. :)